My motto this year Be Brave

Another Christmas has come and gone.  I don't know why that thought makes me a little sad??  I have no idea why that is?  Maybe the thought of time passing and knowing that my days are numbered?  Haha.  I have no idea.  I normally don't think of death and its implications, but I guess underneath it all I feel it.  We were eating at Pei Wei today and I looked over at my husband and thought "this is what heaven on earth feels like".  The thing about my life is I've worked so hard to make it look the way it looks now, that sometimes I remember all the work and I allow myself to reflect on the fruits of the work. I think I should do it more often, really.  As soon as the thought enters my mind, I also think, that perhaps if people knew that's what I think, that they would not understand and think I was crazy for thinking that.  Truth be told, I think it IS a crazy thought.  We are not taught to believe that we can have paradise here on earth.  Most of us, I would assume, are taught that this life is the testing ground to see if we make it to paradise at the other side of death.  As much as I believe there is a beautiful world waiting for us, that shouldn't mean that we don't make the life we have now as beautiful and as "heaven on earthy" as we can make it.  What does that look like for me?  Feeling healthy in my body, having great relationships, having a clean conscience, having a rich spiritual life, learning new things, experiencing new things, enjoying beautiful things.  So I pursue things that touch any of these things in my list. If they don't touch the things that I want in my life then I have no problem passing them up.  For example, if there's an activity that someone wants me to partake in and I don't feel like it, or it doesn't bring me some sort of satisfaction, then I can easily say no.  Most of the time, though, bringing happiness to someone makes me feel good, so I don't think I say no very often.  I love people and I love to help them help themselves. I enjoy hearing them out and giving advice when asked.  If no advice is requested, then I enjoy just listenening.  It's fascinating to learn how people think and how all of our minds work and think so differently.  I think we all tend to think that people think the same way we do and it is so hard to understand that ...nope....people see things super differently than we do.  They come from all kinds of different experiences, backgrounds, ideas, etc., that provides them a whole set of different palettes that differ from ours so that it allows them to paint their worlds so much more different than how we paint ours.  Therefore, seeing things as others see them is truly interesting to me and that is why I love to hear people out.
So onto the new year this week and see what experiences and learning this new year will bring.  I am excited and I want to welcome it all with openness and positiveness in my heart and mind.  I can say that I've never really experienced so much anxiety and fear about the future as I have in the past few months, and I just have to relearn how not to do that.  I remembered my favorite saying today,

"Be brave and mighty forces shall come to your aid" - Basil King

I will remember and apply that this coming year. Shop Amazon's Holiday Toy List - STEM Picks

The Amount of Toys Doesn't Matter At The End

Today I had a very nice conversation with a coworker about all things Politics.  I must say it was rather cool to be able to hold my end of the conversation!  This is so brand new to me to be able to talk about politics.  I learned that Paul Ryan is the speaker of the House, Mitch McConnel is the majority leader in the senate and that is wife, Elaine Chao is the new transportation secretary.  Although I already knew that last one, I gained a little more information on what my coworker thinks of her.  I work at an airport, so this one particular appointment is important to us there at work.  I do appreciate that Trump has said that he wants our airports to be up to speed with the rest of the world and I would like to see that too.  I just don't know if he'll be able to do productive things during his time as president.  I see him as very unfocused, narcissistic, undiplomatic...blah, blah, blah...I'm not trying to speak ill of this person, I just don't see how he can be productive at what he's going to be required to do.  But I guess we'll all have to wait and see.  If he can appoint knowledgeable people then he can be a little successful.  I hope he gets the bad apples out, like that Steve Bannon guy seems like such a dark and negative figure.  Is it power hungry and good god, when is enough money, enough?  Would they like to be the only ones on this earth with money and with no other people as rich as them to interact with?  How boring would life be at that point?

  They still believe that the person with the most toys wins, I guess.  Sorry to burst your bubble but we all die in the end.  No one gets to stay.  

So you have all the money and the power..then what?  I've said it before and I'll say it now...money doesn't hug you at night.  Guess what?  You still have to sleep and be able to sleep with yourself at the end of the day no matter who you are.  Although, it seems that some people don't have the same conscience settings as mine and they seem to be able to sleep no matter what bad choices they make.  Good for them I guess.  As for me, I still have to feel good about myself at night and I like going to sleep with a clear conscience and a happy mind knowing I did the best I could that day.  I started reading this sweet little book The Secret of Letting Go by Guy Finley.  I like this author and his teachings.  He writes about the different negative spirits that want to gain life through us.  They can manifest as thoughts in our minds, or come to us through different people.  They are muckrakers, gloom and doom people or thoughts, the life haters, the mud dwellers.  It was a really good excerpt of this book...heres the link to the article.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.  

I'm off now to view Catastrophe...omg I just started watching it and I'm enjoying it so much!  If you can you should watch it with  Amazon Prime.  You can get it free for 30 days.  I love it!!  

Que Sera, Sera

I listened to NPR's Hidden Brain podcast In Praise of Mess: Why Disorder May Be Good For US with Tim Harford who wrote Messy: The Power of Disorder to Transform Our Lives for the second time.  I really wanted to listen to it again, because he talks about Trump and how sometimes chaos and disorder leads to better ways of doing things and sometimes even creates masterpieces.  So I know the first time I heard it, it gave me a lot of joy.  So I thought I'll listen to it again, because Trump's tweets about China kind had my brain full today.  It didn't give me the same kind of warm feelings but I'll take what I can get.  It's kind of sad actually that all I can think about is this new administration and how it might affect all of us, including the rest of the world.  I was also keeping up to date with the vote on Italy's referendum yesterday and I was so sad to see that they voted no.  Although on a very happy note, the Dakota Pipeline will be rerouted and Austria voted in a Democratic President.  I have never been so up to date with politics as I am right now and to tell you the truth its exhausting.  I feel like I have this guard up and I can't let it down with watching frivolous t.v. or reading frivoulous books, but I think I have to force myself.  Or is this what responsible adulting looks like?  I'm usually a very carefree person, but good god, I have changed my routines so much in the past couple of months.  I'm always analyzing, reading, thinking, looking for I am not sure what??  It's like I don't want to waste anytime not working or making myself a more productive human being.  I don't know why.  

I don't think I can save the world, but if I can stay on top of things, maybe I won't be caught as off guard as I was by the election results.  I guess my brain cannot wrap itself the fact that people voted for this person.  This person with his filthy mouth, his horrible dealings with people, his irresponsible lies, his bigotry....ugh, I can go on and on.  How were people entranced and bamboozled by this guy??  I just don't get it.  

I know we want to believe that there will be someone to save us, but the reality is, that no one's coming to save us.  We have to work at making our lives better.  We have to work at being healthy, being educated, being successful, having a nice life.  Even when we are born with a silver spoon in our mouths, guess what...you still have to work at being happy in your own mind, in your own body.  We still have to manufacture our own joy, our own happiness, our own satisfaction.  It's all still an inside work and it saddens me to understand that a lot of people don't want to do this.  They'd rather believe the lies of an obvious con man and risk their own self destruction and the destruction of others, than work at making their lives better.   Look I've been laid off,  I've been a single mother,  I've been in debt...and I'm sure others have it even rougher than I've ever had it, but there comes a time when we should get a hold of the reins of our lives and say this is where I'm gonna steer it to.  It happens by making teeny tiny good decisions every day.  Hell yes, those decisions suck at first, (i.e. forgiving people, taking responsibility, going back to school, paying that ticket, putting down those cheetos, going for a walk), but I can tell you that after a while you gain momentum and it's not as hard as it used to be.  You learn new skills, new tools and you move forward.  So I guess that's why I'm trying so hard at being productive.  I don't want to be complacent, I want to practice what I preach...and then, "Que Sera, Sera"...but at least I know I've done my best at being me.  

I've been reading this book Abundance: The Future Is Better Than You Think by Peter Diamandis and it's giving me so much hope for our future.  One of the best things I've found on there is a reference to this Ted talk - The Best Stats You've Ever Seen.  So the book is incredibly detailed on all the innovation that has taken place and is taking place that has made our lives better, easier, more productive, healthier...etc.  It talks about how helping other people move out of poverty and into a prosperous and educated life, helps all of us.  It talks about over population and that probably the most important solution to this and the lack of education (which has a direct correlation with big families and poverty) is the education of women.  Diamandis quotes John Oldfield, who was managing director of WASH Advocacy Initiative, who says that the best thing for the problem of over population is through "increasing child survival, educating girls, and making knowledge and availability of birth control ubiquitous." (p. 42)  I was so struck when I read this.  I am in complete awe over and over again at the role women play in this world.  We are so good at what we do.  We know how to take care of others, grow our children, manage our households, multitask at our jobs, lead in our respective roles in our own unique way.  I'm not trying to take away anything from the talents of men, but I do want to focus on the talents of women, because I think we overlook our talents in so many ways.  One of the stupidest ways we do this, is women on women.  I went to a conference where the keynote speaker Walter Bond made a funny reference to a scenario where we women look at another woman and say to ourselves or to those around us "who does she think she is?".  It was funny, but oh so sad.  Sad because it's true.  We women are so afraid of another woman if we think she shines brighter, is prettier, is more successful...on and on ad nauseam, while men don't do this shit!  Ugh.  It makes me so disgusted.  Men don't go around dissing other guys because of how they look or what they say or how they feel they measure up to them.  Yes, granted guys like a good gossip story, but its entertainment to them, not fuel for bitterness, insecurity or resentment.  I just don't understand why it so ingrained in us women.  I think that we can have our gossip sessions but still support and root for other women.  We should try to take things as they are and understand that that other woman has her own problems, pains, anxieties...but more than that, she has her own strengths, beauty, talents, wisdom, experiences....etc.

I challenge all of us today that if we think negative thoughts or want to put another woman down today that we stop and realize that she's a woman just like us and maybe love her a little, care for her a little,  respect her a little...be grateful for her existence in this world.  Without her we would lose what unique perspective she has to offer and we might all be worse off without it.

Love the Reflections of Ourselves

So ever since Trump's crazy win, my mind has been on overdrive and I just analyze and analyze away.   I think about how this country obviously still has some growing and changing to do before we move on to our next step, and actually how this action, will spur growth and awareness.  At least I know it has done that for me.  I even thought of going back to school, but after finding out that my job won't pay for a second master's (hehe), I am reconsidering and I'll try to teach myself the things I want to learn.  I want to learn about cyber security, coding, networking, and maybe learn about quantum computing.  I've always loved technology and I love learning about our future in this field.  The growth in IT is soooo exponential, I just don't understand how we can keep up with it, but I'm sure going to try to learn as much as I can.  Other things that I have learned is that I can't let things disrupt my peace of mind.  I'm as ok as I've always been and I have to admit anxiety got the best of me.  However, I settled back down and with that I got a taste of what anxiety feels like and how debilitating it can be.  I came back with more compassion and empathy for people's state of mind in the face of the unknown.  It was so subconscious that I wasn't sure what was happening to me, but slowly but surely I came out of it.  I don't know if hormones had alot to do with it, but I think they might have.  I started eating better, exercising more, not watching the news and remembered that everything works out for our good.  I truly believe this to be true.  I don't think I'm an unrealistic optimist.  I just know that no matter what kind of painful or hard event that has come to pass in my life, somehow I've been blessed by it, learned something, grown from it.  That's my experience, so no need to start thinking it will change now.  I also started listening to this book called "Abundance".  It makes so much sense.  It talks about how the world is getting better not worse.  Our lives are longer, technology solves problems of humanity for us much faster, computers let us be connected to each other, how we should invest in bitcoin (hint, hint) ...etc.   So this really reminded me of how I really felt before the stupid election.  LOL.   I'm really interested on how this is all going to play out.  I think we might be in for a VERY bumpy ride in the next few years, but I think we can handle it.  We need to love each other.  We need to take care of each other.  We need to understand we are all one family.  We don't need to like each other, but we can respect each other and love the humanity that we see reflected back in each other.

The Other Side

I'm listening to this book called "13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do" by Amy Morin and she wrote something that really struck something in me and she said something like its our bad habits that weigh us down.  So even if we have all these good habits, it's the bad habits that weigh on us heavily.  That got me thinking about my bad habits.  I actually don't think I beat myself up badly at all these days...not that I never used to or that I still can some days, but for the most part, I try to accept myself the way I am at the moment, and remind myself that I am enough.  However, this exercise had me thinking about my bad habits in order to work on getting rid of them so that I am not weighed down as much, so that I can be freer in ways I hadn't exactly zeroed in on.  Well of course, some of my bad habits include negative thinking, envy, sugar, alcohol, worrying, and fearing about the future. I thought of these things and how I can start chipping away and lessening their burden on myself.  Some of these are kind of easy.  Like alcohol.  Even though I love my beer, cutting down my consumption during week days and watching the amounts closer on the weekend wasn't hard at all.  I try to wake up early every morning to go to the gym, so it's actually a lot easier when I don't have a beer or a glass of wine the night before.  I'm not as sluggish at waking up and I'm having a little more energy.  I'm also meditating so it could very well be a combination of these things.  Sugar is a little harder.  It's so innocuous, a little in my coffee, a pudding after lunch, some ice cream at night.  They're like these little treats that I can't make myself feel bad enough about to give up.  So I'm trying to just cut back even if it's just a teeny tiny bit.  See how "unhard" I am on myself?  Envy, worrying, fear...well, these things are bit tougher.  It's like I don't think I'm going to feel them and then out of nowhere...bam! There is fear. Bam bam! There's some envy....I am trying to stear clear of triggers. Social media and the news are definitely triggers.  My checking account is a trigger. I can't stop checking that though!  

So am I feeling freer?  I have to say I'm feeling a little less restless.  More centered and less frazzled.  I tend to feel a bit frazzled as the week goes on and I feel like I'm having more time to take care of me.  I want to keep practicing letting go of bad habits, little by little, and enjoy the lightness that is brought on by unburdening myself.  It's the changing of persepective that I love.  It's like I'm on one end of this spectrum, where I practice good habits, and then this other idea comes along that shows me another way of growing my soul and it just makes me so happy to see it from another vantage point.  Life gives us all these awesome cues and hints all the time.  I am trying to listen and be aware so that I can pick up on all these little whispers that nudge us forward in better ways.