Love the Reflections of Ourselves

So ever since Trump's crazy win, my mind has been on overdrive and I just analyze and analyze away.   I think about how this country obviously still has some growing and changing to do before we move on to our next step, and actually how this action, will spur growth and awareness.  At least I know it has done that for me.  I even thought of going back to school, but after finding out that my job won't pay for a second master's (hehe), I am reconsidering and I'll try to teach myself the things I want to learn.  I want to learn about cyber security, coding, networking, and maybe learn about quantum computing.  I've always loved technology and I love learning about our future in this field.  The growth in IT is soooo exponential, I just don't understand how we can keep up with it, but I'm sure going to try to learn as much as I can.  Other things that I have learned is that I can't let things disrupt my peace of mind.  I'm as ok as I've always been and I have to admit anxiety got the best of me.  However, I settled back down and with that I got a taste of what anxiety feels like and how debilitating it can be.  I came back with more compassion and empathy for people's state of mind in the face of the unknown.  It was so subconscious that I wasn't sure what was happening to me, but slowly but surely I came out of it.  I don't know if hormones had alot to do with it, but I think they might have.  I started eating better, exercising more, not watching the news and remembered that everything works out for our good.  I truly believe this to be true.  I don't think I'm an unrealistic optimist.  I just know that no matter what kind of painful or hard event that has come to pass in my life, somehow I've been blessed by it, learned something, grown from it.  That's my experience, so no need to start thinking it will change now.  I also started listening to this book called "Abundance".  It makes so much sense.  It talks about how the world is getting better not worse.  Our lives are longer, technology solves problems of humanity for us much faster, computers let us be connected to each other, how we should invest in bitcoin (hint, hint) ...etc.   So this really reminded me of how I really felt before the stupid election.  LOL.   I'm really interested on how this is all going to play out.  I think we might be in for a VERY bumpy ride in the next few years, but I think we can handle it.  We need to love each other.  We need to take care of each other.  We need to understand we are all one family.  We don't need to like each other, but we can respect each other and love the humanity that we see reflected back in each other.

The Other Side

I'm listening to this book called "13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do" by Amy Morin and she wrote something that really struck something in me and she said something like its our bad habits that weigh us down.  So even if we have all these good habits, it's the bad habits that weigh on us heavily.  That got me thinking about my bad habits.  I actually don't think I beat myself up badly at all these days...not that I never used to or that I still can some days, but for the most part, I try to accept myself the way I am at the moment, and remind myself that I am enough.  However, this exercise had me thinking about my bad habits in order to work on getting rid of them so that I am not weighed down as much, so that I can be freer in ways I hadn't exactly zeroed in on.  Well of course, some of my bad habits include negative thinking, envy, sugar, alcohol, worrying, and fearing about the future. I thought of these things and how I can start chipping away and lessening their burden on myself.  Some of these are kind of easy.  Like alcohol.  Even though I love my beer, cutting down my consumption during week days and watching the amounts closer on the weekend wasn't hard at all.  I try to wake up early every morning to go to the gym, so it's actually a lot easier when I don't have a beer or a glass of wine the night before.  I'm not as sluggish at waking up and I'm having a little more energy.  I'm also meditating so it could very well be a combination of these things.  Sugar is a little harder.  It's so innocuous, a little in my coffee, a pudding after lunch, some ice cream at night.  They're like these little treats that I can't make myself feel bad enough about to give up.  So I'm trying to just cut back even if it's just a teeny tiny bit.  See how "unhard" I am on myself?  Envy, worrying, fear...well, these things are bit tougher.  It's like I don't think I'm going to feel them and then out of nowhere...bam! There is fear. Bam bam! There's some envy....I am trying to stear clear of triggers. Social media and the news are definitely triggers.  My checking account is a trigger. I can't stop checking that though!  

So am I feeling freer?  I have to say I'm feeling a little less restless.  More centered and less frazzled.  I tend to feel a bit frazzled as the week goes on and I feel like I'm having more time to take care of me.  I want to keep practicing letting go of bad habits, little by little, and enjoy the lightness that is brought on by unburdening myself.  It's the changing of persepective that I love.  It's like I'm on one end of this spectrum, where I practice good habits, and then this other idea comes along that shows me another way of growing my soul and it just makes me so happy to see it from another vantage point.  Life gives us all these awesome cues and hints all the time.  I am trying to listen and be aware so that I can pick up on all these little whispers that nudge us forward in better ways.